Fear and Loathing in Hogwarts
by Aoi4
Summary: Originally named "Dionysus Run Rampant" But since I'm focusing on drugs instead of alcohol and rituals I'll rename it in honor of Hunter Thompson.
1. What Do You Expect From a Slytherin

Just another little ditty that skipped merrily through my brain. Not much seriousness. This is my experiment with distinctive character traits. I'll try to make them individual and varied.

This was recently renamed because the content had shifted slightly from a weak plot to utter chaos. Plot? There's suppose to be one?

**Warnings**: AU, OOC, takes place 7th year but much of what happened in the books is null. Cursing, screaming, lots of running around, mass insanity, hallucinations, drug use (involuntary?), multiple pairings, Muggle bashing, violence, desecration of public property, arsine, and much much more. Don't take this seriously. I don't have a stance on drug use.

**Disclaimer**: Not mine. Not yours either for that matter.

**Fear and Loathing in Hogwarts**

**Chapter 1: What do you expect from a Slytherin?**

Muggle Studies was a complete waist of time. Not only were the facts probably wrong or skewed (If Granger or Potter's incredulous faces were any indication) but they ultimately made Draco dislike the little maggots even more. What gave them the right to parade out in the open like badly dressed peacocks and make Wizards hide in the shadows? Wizards should be lording over them. It was only right. _Who ever invented spandex should be flogged publicly._ Draco thought as he sneered at a picture of an over weight Muggle family going to Disney World. _Fanny-packs as well._ He added.

"And so, with the inability to make a picture move, the Muggle world developed a contraption called the 'television set' to fill the void." Professor Caerolin, a tall thin woman with short black hair and an abnormally pointy nose with equally abnormal pale blue eyes that looked almost white, said at the front of the class. She had a nasally voice and a habit of sniffing in between sentences and it irked Draco to no end. "The Muggles tend to use technology to make up for not having the ability to utilize magic."

"Why don't we use technology too? To stay above the status quo?" A Slytherin boy to the right of Draco asked. He thought he remember the kid's name. Tidus McFinney or something. He was the type of guy that looked like he never got enough sleep. Dark circles were in permanent residence under his eyes. They clashed horribly with the mangy black hair and pasty skin. At least with Draco's pale skin he had a certain glow.

"Mr. McFinney." Professor Caerolin said with infinite patience. Draco rolled his eyes. "If that were the case, wouldn't we be Muggles?"

"No…" McFinney furrowed his brows. "No we wouldn't."

Whatever McFinney was going to say next was cut off by the announcement that class has ended. He scowled and shoved his books and supplies in his handbag with a bit too much force. Draco was a little amused.

"You know, no matter how much technology they have, they are still beneath us." Draco assured his fellow Slytherin. McFinney paused and glared at Draco.

"Its attitudes like that…" He leaned forward and rested both hands on the desk for support, "that keep us in the dark ages. It keeps us in the dark!"

"Do tell." Draco said steely. He never took kindly to ANYONE talking to him like that. However, his curiosity was enough to let it go. If he liked what the boy had to say, that is. If not, well there's always the option of making McFinney's life hell. Either way, Draco won.

"We are superior because we can use magic while the Muggles rely on technology to attain similar reactions." McFinney's hands flew up as he ranted. Draco leaned his hip on a desk and tilted his head as he listened. "If we harnessed technology as well, consider the possibilities! It might make our lives easier as well. We could use pens instead of quills. Light-bulbs instead of flame!"

"Those are relatively small." Draco drawled. He was getting bored. "Besides, each of those things causes waste. As soon as the ink runs out on pens, the Muggles throw them away. Same goes for light-bulbs."

"Oh, look. The Slytherins are conspiring." Ron said from the other side of the room. Apparently the golden trio was stopped by Tidus McFinney's rant and decided to listen in. "How shocking."

"Well…" Harry shifted his weight and shrugged. He looked at his fellow Muggle raised friend for support. "Malfoy has a point."

"Yeah…" Hermione mumbled as she found her toes very interesting.

"What do you mean?" Ron looked at them. He didn't know all that much about Muggles and what he got was from his father or the Muggle Studies class. He wasn't entirely sure how correct either of them were.

"They mean that Muggles, in their bothersom search for magic, throw a lot of stuff away." Draco snapped.

"You know, come to think of it. Everything that Muggles have, Wizards have a version of." Harry speculated and Draco nodded.

"Yes, but usually better." Draco was sure to add.

"Rollercoasters…" Hermione smiled hesitantly.

"Brooms!" Ron grinned. He was sort of proud that he could make the comparison between the two things. Also, that he knew what a Rollercoaster was.

"Telephones." Harry added while making the hand gesture for a phone and putting it up to his ear.

"Fireplaces." Draco said. He had heard of Telephones before but the hand gesture confused him. He took to looking oddly at Harry.

"Planes!" Hermione was smiling fully now, Challenging Harry to a battle of Muggle Vs. Magic.

"Apparation." Harry grinned at her. The two purebloods bobbed their heads back and forth between the two muggle-raised students.

"Computers!" Hermione said triumphantly.

"Ooooh!" Harry awed. "What for?"

"email" Hermione thought about it a moment.

"Patronis." Harry grinned.

"Typing." Hermione's eyes narrowed.

"You know that spell that Rita Skeeter uses to write while she's asking questions?" Harry asked and Hermione nodded. "Well, that."

"DRUGS!" McFinney, hating to be ignored, blurted out. All four of the present students looked at him in question. "Muggles have drugs. Wizards normally stick to butterbeers and firewiskey but Muggles have found all sorts of different things."

"Who needs drugs when you can find the right potion and grow a second head?" Harry asked. He grinned and rolled his eyes.

"That gives you a terrible headache afterward." Draco added as if he knew from experience. Ron nodded.

"The second head insults you constantly." Ron said.

"Terribly annoying." Draco and Ron shared a brief look of understanding before looking away again.

"Also, and I can't believe no one has mentioned this, it's ILLEGAL to do drugs." Hermione shook her head in annoyance.

"Muggle laws…" McFinney shook his head as if he thought the laws of men were cute but nothing to be worried about.

"Yes, LAWS, meant to be followed…" Hermione tried vainly to get the boys on track.

"I think that Muggle drugs, even if I cared to know what they were, would still be horribly inferior to Wizard potions and spells." Draco was done with this conversation. He picked up his items and started toward the door.

"I wonder if Wizards ever experimented with potions that would have the same effect as drugs…" Harry wondered aloud as he too started to leave the room, followed by a bickering Ron and Hermione as they argued about Muggle Laws and why there were placed. They had forgotten the other student as they went about their business.

Left alone in the room, Slytherin Tidus McFinney's mind was working in overdrive. He watched everyone leave the room but Potter's last words echoed in his ears. What if Wizards DID make more powerful drugs than Muggles? It was entirely possible. Wizards were superior in every way. They have proven that time and time again. All he had to do is make better drugs than Muggles using potions and spells. He has just the subjects to test them on too. He wasn't going to let this go and he certainly didn't think it was a joke. Hoenestly, what did they expect? He was slytherin!


	2. When Ceilings Melt

Although mushrooms are not completely foreign to me I'll still exaggerate the effects for comedic purposes and because wizards are bound to have stronger substances. Just so you know…:-)

Warning: Mushrooms and intoxicated house elves.

**When Ceilings Melt**

House elves, for all their servitude, weren't stupid, but they were alcoholics. Likewise, Tidus McFinney wasn't one to pass up the opportunity to utilize a valuable resource when it presented itself. He also had a lot of Galleons to his name. You put two and two together and you get a pretty chummy team. McFinney knew that the house elves never had the ability to go out and buy their own booze. If they managed to sneak out of Hogwarts without the Headmaster's knowledge, they wouldn't have been able to buy it. Shopkeepers were given specific instructions from the Headmaster to deny Hogwarts' elves liquor. Ever since the unspoken "incident" with the house elves and the "mass fornication" of '73, that is. Tidus' father was present during the event and shudders to this day when someone mentions house elves and firewhiskey.

Nonetheless, McFinney struck a bargain with the house elves. He would buy them alcohol and in return, they will spike the school's punch with McFinney's special potion. It was a variant on what the Muggles call "Shrooms". McFinney knew how they were harvested because he had apprehended a book on Muggle drugs. He made a few changes (because cows were SO Muggle) and presented his concoction to the elves for that evening's meal. He was alright with them trying it out before they unleashed it upon the masses. He also thought it terribly funny when they wholeheartedly agreed to it afterward. Of course, they WERE drunk at the time but I digress.

Looking back on it, McFinney had originally decided to test his experiments on only four of the students at Hogwarts; those being present when the great idea had shown itself to him. Ultimately he decided that he'd bestow that honor upon them at a later date. Perhaps, something more fitting of their stature as co-conspirators. Never mind that they didn't even know it.

So it was that Tidus McFinney, relatively unknown Slytherin in his seventh year in attendance, entered the great hall for dinner. He covertly nodded to a dangerously wobbly elf and took a seat at his table. He pulled out a piece of parchment for fast note taking and waited for the effects to make themselves known.

::

Draco slyly looked in the direction of Tidus McFinney and frowned. The boy was just ODD. Why on earth was he interested in Muggles anyway? So what if they had drugs? What was so great about that? It was probably a way for them to get away from their waste of an existence anyway. Plus, as Draco continued to observe the sickly looking boy, he noticed the poised quill and parchment in front of him, food and beverage untouched. He probably should have ended up in Ravenclaw, Draco thought with a sneer. Draco took a sip of his punch. It tasted a bit too sweet for his liking. He signaled for water instead. Luckily for him, it was a smart move. What he saw next would forever be etched into his brain as the single most hilarious event of his young life. At least thus far…

The first thing that happened to indicate that everything was not in its rights was a collective feature on almost everyone's face. Their previously slack jaws clamped shut, eyes narrowed in confusion and then widened in alarm. Each person was shifting his/her gaze around in nervous suspicion. Did anyone else see what they saw? Then a curly blond haired boy, Draco wasn't positive but he thought the boy's name was Colin, in Gryffindor shot up out of his seat and pointed wildly at the ceiling.

"THE CEILING IS MELTING!" He screamed in a shrill, hysterical voice. Almost simultaneously the hall broke out in similar screams. Draco looked up but didn't see anything out of the ordinary.

Draco blinked and looked around the hall as everyone either leapt up in horror or dove under the table. Even the Professors were at a loss. They had their wands raised toward the ceiling, at a wall or even at each other. Draco thought he saw McGonagall poke at Flitwick with the end of her wand experimentally as if she thought he wasn't there. Letting his eyes travel around he noticed that Harry had his ear to the wall and was laughing as if it was telling him a hilarious joke. Weasley was hiding under the table and Granger was pacing back and forth on top of the table, completely unconcerned that she was stepping in the mashed potatoes.

That's when he heard the laughter. Of course, there was a lot of noise in the great hall right then but one cannot mistake the laughter of pure mirth floating from the general area of the teacher's table. Both Tidus and Draco swung their gaze toward the sound. Albus Dumbledore, famed Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, was laughing and pointing at the chaos filling the great hall. Next to him, with equal mirth, was Hagrid. The half giant was clapping the Headmaster on the back, chuckling and speaking in quite tones to Dumbledore. Neither of them looked the least bit affected by whatever had taken hold of the masses. Where they the ones responsible? The two adults looked pointedly at Slytherin table said things to each other and nodded. Draco heard Tidus swear under his breath and get up out of his seat. The two exchanged looks briefly before Tidus exaggeratedly flailed his arms around.

"Oh. Oh what is going on?" He said in monotone. "Things are happening and I don't know what."

It took Draco less than a second to determine who the real culprit was. Tidus McFinney was using the students and faculty as test subjects for his perverted experiments. Draco was mildly impressed and immediately took to flailing about as well. No use having suspicion on him for this. Especially since it wasn't his fault this time. Whatever it was that his fellow Slytherin was up to, Draco wanted in on it.

::

At the same time as Draco's discovery, Harry was having a discovery of his own. He had found out that Hogwarts was alive (at least to him). It was breathing deeply and as Harry pressed his ear to the wall, he could clearly hear a heart beat. What a find!

One thing to remember is that Harry Potter was and is always willing to try new things. Being an eleven year old and thrust into the world of magic, Harry had always been able to take it all in stride. At the moment of his so called discovery of Hogwarts being a living entity, he thought it was just another wonder to experience in the magical world. He hadn't even bothered to look around him and witness the various reactions of his fellow students. Especially Ron and Hermione.

While Hermione was desperately trying to figure out and identify the spell that just HAD to have been placed on Hogwarts (which would explain why the floor, as she saw it, was liquid and must be avoided), Ron was trying to hide from the spiders his classmate suddenly turned into. Ron, poor dear, was having what the Muggles would call a 'bad trip'. It wouldn't have been so bad if Ron wasn't deathly afraid of the creepy crawlies. Perhaps it still would, Ron just had one of those personalities that didn't mesh well with hallucinations.

While the student body all experienced their own high (or personal hell) Tidus McFinney flailed half-heartedly out the door and then walked calmly back toward his dorms. Perhaps he started out with too powerful a drug. People needed to chill out. McFinney thought he had read something about a Muggle drug that would do that in his book. He'll do that next.

"Hey, McFinney!" He heard from behind him. Tidus turned around and saw Draco jogging up to him. "Whatever you're doing, I want in on it."

Tidus shrugged and nodded his head. Draco might think he was going to be on it but McFinney had already planned on experimenting on the Slytherin.

"I was just going to see what I can do next." McFinney said. "You can come along if you like."


	3. Passing the Torch

Marijuana is a drug I have an opinion on but I'm not going to state it clearly. You'll have to weed it out of my ramblings. Well, it's far more obvious than I would have liked. Oh well…

WARNINGS: More intoxicated Elves, some mention of snogging, and of course there's drug use.

**Passing the torch**

It was very reasonable in McFinney's mind that he be allowed to complete his experiments. It was, after all, a scientific hypothesis and needed to be finished. That's why he clearly couldn't understand why he was called into Dumbledore's office after the incident with the Shrooms and told, in no few words, that while he found the reactions hilarious, he couldn't allow McFinney to experiment on the students and faculty. Some of the students were still feeling the affects and it was harming their studies.

Upon inquiring as to why Dumbledore (and Hagrid for that matter) were unaffected by the dosage of McFinney's Shroom potion, Dumbledore (smugly in McFinney's opinion) stated that he had dabbled in a bit of Muggle drugs in the past and such a low amount had little effect on him anymore. It was understandable but what the Headmaster wasn't aware of was that his admission had spurred McFinney more in his pursuit to find a stronger drug than Muggles. What he wanted now was to find the drug that will get Dumbledore out of his wits. It was McFinney's knew mission in life.

Ambling in the halls after his discussion with the headmaster, Tidus McFinney came upon a great idea when he walked past a lighted sconce on the wall. He eyed the flames with interest before letting a thin smile grace his lips. Everyone walked through these halls and everyone was dependant on the flames for light. It was a perfect plan and he had just the person to convince to help him. He needed the attention of the Headmaster off of him while this was underway so Draco Malfoy would have to do all the leg work this time. Draco was just the over eager person to take the heat when this was underway.

Draco could also get high quality booze. It allied the house elves to their cause almost without having to convince them with anything else. They also had to allow the elves to try out their experiments. The last one was a hit. Draco set about pulling the next "prank" (McFinney was unimpressed with the word but, whatever; it was Draco's thing at the moment. He had to be innocent.).

"You pour this in everything that produces a flame. You can replace the oil in lamps with it as well." Draco instructed a small army of intoxicated house elves with immense patience. He tried to ignore the couple in the back as they snogged without shame. "There's plenty here so be thorough."

McFinney was grudgingly impressed with the way Draco was handling things. He was a born schemer. He even formulated the concoction. It was amazing really. No odor, no taste; it was practically undetectable. McFinney had only thought of the method, Draco filled in the rest. At the moment, McFinney hid behind his drug book as he listened to Draco instruct their co-conspirators. As the Elves popped out of the room and back to their duties (with added work now), Draco turned to McFinney and grinned.

"I want to see how this will affect Potter. Last time he seemed to be having too much fun."

"Yes, that was curious…" Tidus McFinney muttered. He flipped through the pages. "I think I read that it all depends on the person and the situation. Potter just got lucky and didn't freak out like everyone else did."

"What's this thing we're doing now going to affect? The same thing? Are they going to see strange things again?" Draco asked as he lit a fire to get warm. He didn't notice the house elf disappear from that area only moments before.

"I don't think so…" McFinney scanned the pages again. "The effects of this particular Muggle drug is calming but it also gives you the feeling of being 'high'. Don't know what that means…"

"It makes them fly?" Draco asked. "I didn't know Muggles could fly!"

"Muggles…?" McFinney looked at Draco and then burst out laughing. "Flying Muggles!"

Draco started laughing too and flapped his arms as he mocked the idea of flying Muggles. Tidus thought it was hilarious but wasn't sure why. Soon they calmed down and stared into the fire. They were both in a contemplative mood for some reason.

"You know, it's not like I don't like him." Draco said out of nowhere.

"What? Who?" McFinney asked completely taken back by the randomness. It was like Draco started the conversation in the middle.

"Potter. Keep up, man." Draco rolled his eyes. "It's not like I hate him or anything. I just don't understand why he doesn't admire me."

"Good point. He should."

"I know!" Draco said enthusiastically. "He should beg me to want him."

"Makes sense." McFinney nodded thoughtfully. "He's stupid if he doesn't. You should kick him in the knee when you see him next. To show him how stupid he is."

"Yeah!" Draco proclaimed. "I really should!"

The two boys were silent for a while again. The fire was really pretty.

"I'm glad we found time to bond like this." Draco mumbled after a while. He was having trouble opening his eyes all the way. Oh well…

"Yeah, this was cool." McFinney smiled lazily. "I'm hungry; you want to sneak down to the kitchens?"

"Okay." Draco said and got up.

The two Slytherins didn't piece together the fire roaring in the fireplace with their new Wizard drug. In all honestly, they seriously didn't care.

Meanwhile, in another part of the castle, Hermione was having a very difficult time studying. She would find herself pausing on a particularly funny word and snickering. It was most disconcerting. She turned up her lantern to get a better light but the words on the page didn't seem entertaining anymore. She looked up to see Ron and Harry in what appeared to be a highly animated game of charades. Harry was standing Karate Kid style on a nearby desk while Ron popped frog after chocolate frog in his mouth, their little chocolate legs twitching in an effort to jump.

"What on Earth are you doing?" Hermione giggled.

"Hurry's gunna schow us wat he's gunna do to Malfuy." Ron said with chocolate frog legs moving around in his mouth. It was highly disturbing and made Hermione laugh loudly at the sight.

"I'm going to tackle him!" Harry demonstrated on Ron, who grunted in protest. Harry sighed and rested his forehead on Ron's chest. "He's better when he's sitting still and silent."

"Who? Ron? I agree." Hermione nodded wholeheartedly.

"Hey!" Ron protested in vain.

"No. Malfoy." Harry sat up, still straddling Ron.

"That's Ron!" Hermione pointed at the redhead and squealed with laughter, successfully falling down in the process. What was with them? Hermione couldn't help but feel happy. It was rather odd.

"Well, if it WAS Malfoy, I would do just this!" Harry said indignantly. Both Ron and Hermione erupted in a whole knew bout of laughter.

"Really? You'd do this? This right here?" Ron said, gasping for breath and indicating where Harry was sitting. Harry immediately sprung off Ron with a blush covering his face.

"Well, no…not exactly that per say…" Harry rubbed his neck with embarrassment.

"I'm hungry." Hermione declared. She had already forgotten the humorous situation moments before and opted for munching next. The trio whole heartedly agreed to travel down to the kitchens for a snack.

What they found was a totally perplexed group of equally hungry students as they entered the kitchen area. What they saw next would equally perplex them.

Hagrid was eating large amounts of food while clapping a congratulatory hand on Draco Malfoy's back (Causing said boy to flinch at the strength of the blow). Several house elves were draped over each other in various degrees of drunkenness. Some even less dressed than normal…

"Gotta 'and it to ya, boys! You know 'ow ta give an old man a good time!" Hagrid boasted, causing Draco's eyes to widen comically at what such a comment may illustrate. He scanned the crowd with panic until they met Harry's.

"It's not what he says! He's mad with the drug!" Draco announced to the group loudly. Meanwhile, McFinney was having a good old time laughing his ass off at Draco's expense.

Despite Hagrid's joy at finding a rather pleasing drug, made with love by Draco Malfoy, the effects of everyone getting high the previous night caused the next day to be exceptionally hard. No one did their homework. NO ONE! The faculty had no clue how to handle a full student body who slacked on homework. So they gave everyone a pop quiz. On the upside, many new bands were formulated. They strummed their guitars with gusto in every nook and cranny available. Poets were born, artists found inspiration and Hermione, for once, didn't feel like opening a book.

In the Slytherin common room, Draco and McFinney brain stormed on what else they could do next. The drug book in McFinney's hand was dog-eared on several pages. They weren't caught this time by the faculty (or Headmaster Dumbledore) but they were now fighting to sell the concoction Draco made to students. It seemed that this particular drug was far more popular than the previous.


End file.
